This post is different from any post I have done before. This post is all about me. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. I’ve been reflecting on my life, on my blog and on my future. You see, I’ve always been a mum. Just a mum. I entered motherhood younger than most not long after my seventeenth birthday. I was still in school when I saw the two little pink lines on the pregnancy test and since that point, my life has revolved around my children. I haven’t done the stuff others my age have done. I don’t do anything for me and I’ve never focused on my life – only on theirs. I’m not complaining because I love my children dearly, but surely there is more to life than just being a mum?
From one extreme to the other
I think I parent this way partly due to my own upbringing. My mum was shit. There is no other way to put it other than she was an absolutely shit mum. She was in and out of prison, addicted to whatever she could get her hands on and lived a criminal life… dragging me along through the dirt with her. Now, I understand some of my poor upbringing was due to her mental health but quite a lot of it was pure shitty parenting. I realise that now. Plus my dad wasn’t around because he was shit too! My wonderful nanan took me in, most of the time, however, she felt tied down. Which I understand and the most important part was – she wasn’t my mum.
The mum I never had
Maybe this is why I am so focused on my kid’s lives? But, am I too focused? I want to be present. I want to be around. I want to see them and help them reach their milestones. I want to hug them when they cry. I want to laugh at their poor jokes. I want to be their mum! But will I one day wake up and wonder where my life has gone? At the moment I feel like I am living their life rather than my own. I am so fearful that one day when I’m old and wrinkly I will have regrets. I’m scared that I won’t have lived life to the fullest. I’m thankful that I was a young mum. But I’m also thankful for life and I need to start embracing it. Just because I had children that doesn’t mean I need to forget about myself! But unfortunately, that is exactly what happened.
Who is Katie?
This is where the problem lies. Before I became known as mum I was a sixteen-year-old girl, taking GCSE’s in school and living with Liam’s parents. Now, I’m a 25-year-old woman, home educating, with three kids, a house, a dog and bills to pay. The only thing that hasn’t changed is having Liam by my side.
It’s been so long since I’ve known myself that I’m not sure about myself anymore. What do I like? What do I enjoy? What do I want from my life? This is what I’ve been thinking about recently which is one of the reasons I haven’t been blogging – because even my blog revolves around my children. But that is going to change. REOLife is also my life. What is that saying again? A happy mum means happy kids? Or something like that.
So, I will be trying to rediscover myself again and I’ll be blogging my journey with all of you. I’ll be throwing myself into the world of photography – something I’ve always dreamed of doing. I’ll be blogging more because I’ve always loved to write and I’ll be working towards the ultimate dream of travelling!! Exciting times ahead!! It’s going to be tough going away from what I know and doing things for me. Bye bye comfort zone.
This takes me back to my first point. Is there more to life than just being a mum? Yes, yes there is! Keep checking back to see how I get on.